There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
