Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
