Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
