Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
