Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
