Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
