And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
