I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
