Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
