Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
