woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
