Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
