do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he told me I talked like a deaf person
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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