It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
