"it" just moved
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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