I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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