I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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