i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
