not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
