1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize