i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
