no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
