I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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