I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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