he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
