I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Even my vagina gasped.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
