Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
