I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Randomize
