So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
