if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
