My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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