I feel great
I just peed on a car
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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