He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
