White coat. Heels.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
