So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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