oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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