I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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