I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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