Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
