Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
