my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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