Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
