You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
