....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize