I'm so fucking centered right now
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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