Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
