It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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