In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
