Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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