my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
