Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
