I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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