I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize