.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
our cab driver is having phone sex.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
