i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
