she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
