Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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