We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
