hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize