is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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