it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
