he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
