also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
how drunk are you?
Several
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
