Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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