I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize