Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
