I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize