I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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