I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
