glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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