There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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