I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
