theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
