So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
