No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
