but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
