MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
In America we eat man semen.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
