my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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