thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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