been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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