he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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