Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
