the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
