You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
