just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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