I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
