He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
