Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
