I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
