well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
