Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize