bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
