Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize