i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
